Helping Kids With Intellectual Disabilities Navigate Social Challenges

Some kids with intellectual disabilities face mental health difficulties and bullying.

People face varied challenges as a result of having an intellectual disability.

According to the American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities, intellectual disabilities are diagnosed when an individual displays deficits in intellectual functioning (typically having an IQ below 70) and displays below-average functioning in adaptive skills, in regards to one’s ability to do everyday tasks such as counting money, dressing oneself or using the restroom independently. To be considered as having an intellectual disability (formerly referred to as mental retardation), these difficulties must be present before the age of 18.

Difficulties experienced by individuals with a disability can range from mild to severe depending on the level of the person’s intellectual and adaptive functioning. A child who has an IQ of 65, for example, will likely face more challenges than someone with an average IQ of 100.

In my work with children and their families, I have noticed that some kids with intellectual disabilities also deal with emotional concerns and have difficulties with peer relationships. These can stem from issues such as rejection by peers, low self-esteem or being a victim of bullying. Research often reports that children with intellectual disabilities are more likely to be bullied than their peers.

The U.S. Department of Education has established laws to reduce bullying in schools. Under the law, “disability harassment” is defined as “intimidation or abusive behavior towards a student based on disability that creates a hostile environment by interfering with or denying a student’s participation in or receipt of benefits, services, or opportunities in the institution’s program.” Disability harassment may involve verbal harassment like name calling, as well as written or physical threats.

Here are some suggestions for helping your child cope with an intellectual disability and to prevent bullying:

Educate your child about his or her disability. Research shows that when children have more information about their disability, they’re better able to adjust to it. It’s also important to let your child know that other kids experience the same challenges. When appropriate, it may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional who can provide resources to the family on understanding the child.

Help your child build on strengths and overcome weaknesses. Children with disabilities experience numerous challenges in their daily lives, such as difficulty getting dressed, understanding social cues and learning routines. This can lead to challenges outside of the home, especially at school.

Help your child develop a plan to get through the day. This plan may include things like how to ask for help from their teachers to deal with conflict, having a regular schedule where the teacher checks in and identifying a peer that the child has a close connection with to help the child avoid social difficulties. If necessary, your child may benefit form having an individualized education program, or an IEP, to help reduce difficulties at school.

Rehearse situations to prepare your child. Sometimes children with intellectual disabilities may experience bullying at school or in their neighborhood. Kids with disabilities don’t always realize they are being bullied. For example, they may believe kids who are teasing or making fun of them are their friends.

If your child is being bullied, develop an action plan and practice what to do in those situations. It’s important for parents to talk with their kids about friendships. Ask things like, “How are you getting along with other kids?” or “Has any kid said anything about you?” It’s helpful to be specific with your questions and make sure your child understands what you’re asking. You may have to provide examples to the child so they can give “yes” or “no” responses.

Seek help from a licensed professional. If your child has an intellectual disability, it may be helpful to see a licensed psychologist or mental health provider who specializes in working with kids who have developmental or intellectual disabilities. The professional can explore your child’s emotional functioning and identify any significant difficulties the child may be having with social interactions.

If there are known challenges such as bullying or other issues related to peer relationships, a mental health provider can provide some social skills training to help the child learn how to be assertive, engage in conversations or seek help from adults.